By: Unknown
Most likely, this won't be something that you will actually use, but it's still pretty funny!
When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, that was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had previous inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.
NEVER read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Don't search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you are sure you know what you are doing.
If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
Don't keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden block thingies on your work surface.
When you're searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the bloody lights on!!
Never back out of one room into another without looking.
It's always behind you.
Never, ever, ever turn off the paved road onto a gravel or dirt road, especially at night.
Always make sure that your car has a fresh battery and a full tank of gas so it will start immediately in times of crisis.
Never say that you'll be right back, because you won't.
If anything other than water (blood, thick goo of any color) comes out of a faucet, do not call a plumber. Leave the house immediately.
If, looking in a mirror, you see a figure behind you that you don't see upon turning around, see a different room than the one you are in, you see a figure other than yourself looking back, or your reflection tells you to get out before it's too late, proceed to the nearest exit with all speed.
If you open a door and the room you see is not the room that should be there, do not explore it. In fact, even if you close the door and see the correct room after reopening it, vacate the house.
