Bumper Stickers

  1. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  2. We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
  3. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
  4. He who laughs last thinks slowest!
  5. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
  6. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
  7. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
  8. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
  9. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
  10. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
  11. Don't take life to seriously, you won't get out alive anyway.
  12. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  13. I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming terrified like his passengers.
  14. Better to understand a little then to misunderstand a lot.
  15. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
  16. When there's a will, I want to be in it.
  17. Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
  18. Few woman admit their age, few men act theirs.
  19. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
  20. All generalizations are false, including this one.
  21. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  22. "Criminal lawyer" is a redundancy.
  23. 90% of all statistics are made up.
  24. A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
  25. Everytime I've built character, I've regretted it.
  26. Have you ever dated someone because you were too lazy to commit suicide?
  27. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
  28. Tis better to be thought a fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
  29. Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
  30. A Smith & Wesson *Always* beats 4 aces.
  31. A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
  32. A conscience does not prevent sin. It only prevents you from enjoying it.
  33. A day not wasted is a day wasted.
  34. A diplomat thinks twice before saying nothing.
  35. A dirty book is rarely dusty.
  36. A friend in need is a pest indeed...
  37. A friend: Someone who likes you even after they know you.
  38. A mind is a terrible thing to... ummm...
  39. A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
  40. All I want is a warm bed, a kind word and unlimited power.
  41. Always remember that no matter where you go, there you are.
  42. Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
  43. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
  44. Angels can fly because they take themselves so lightly.
  45. Any fool can criticize, condemn, & complain. And most do.
  46. As I said before, I never repeat myself.
  47. As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
  48. Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: Same thing.
  49. Bugs are Sons of Glitches!
  50. Do steam rollers really roll steam?
  51. Confusion not only reigns, it pours.
  52. Constant change is here to stay.
  53. Choose heaven for climate, hell for society.
  54. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
  55. Drugs have taught an entire generation of American kids the metric system.
  56. Effciency takes time! Frugality: who can afford it?
  57. Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
  58. Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
  59. Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
  60. Floggings will continue until morale improves.
  61. Forgive your enemies... but REMEMBER THEIR NAMES!
  62. Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
  63. Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
  64. Gravity doesn't exist the Earth sucks.
  65. Grow your own dope... plant a man.
  66. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional!
  67. Gun control is being able to hit your target!
  68. Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
  69. How many of you believe is telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
  70. I still miss my ex-wife...BUT my aim is improving!
  71. I bet you I can stop gambling.
  72. I can resist anything but temptation.
  73. I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
  74. I hate to repeat gossip, so I'll only say this once...
  75. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
  76. Nothing in the universe travels faster than a bad check.
  77. It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in laboratory rats.
  78. We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You WILL BE ASSIMILATED.
  79. Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
  80. I love cats...they taste just like chicken!
  81. Constipated people don't give a shit.
  82. Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.
  83. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
  84. If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
  85. Please tell your pants it's not polite to point.
  86. If that phone was up your butt, maybe you could drive a little better.
  87. My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
  88. Thank you for pot smoking.
  89. To all you virgins: Thanks for nothing.
  90. Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings."
  91. If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
  92. Horn broken... Watch for finger.
  93. It's not how you pick your nose, But where you put the booger.
  94. If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
  95. I have the body of a God... Buddha.
  96. This would be really funny if it wasn't happening to me.
  97. Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
  98. If we quit voting will they all go away?
  99. The face is familiar but I can't quite remember my name.
  100. Eat right, Exercise, Die anyway.
  101. Illiterate? Write for help.
  102. Honk if anything falls off.
  103. Cover me I'm changing lanes.
  104. He who hesitates is not only lost but miles from the next exit.
  105. I refuse to have a battle of the wits with an unarmed person.
  106. You! Out of the gene pool!
  107. I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell me to.
  108. Where are we going? And why am I in this hand basket?
  109. If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
  110. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
  111. If you can read this, please flip me back over... [Seen upside down, on a Jeep]
  112. Remember: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
  113. Save a tree, eat a beaver.
  114. Guys: No shirt, No service. Gals: No shirt, No charge. [Seen on a Restaurant Window]
  115. If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba The Hut?
  116. Necrophillia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
  117. Ax me about ebonics.
  118. Body by Nautilus, Brain by Mattel.
  119. Boldly going nowhere
  120. Cat: The other white meat
  121. Caution - Driver legally blonde!
  122. Don't be sexist - Broads hate that
  123. Heart Attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends
  124. Honk if you've ever seen an Uzi fired from a car window.
  125. How many roads must a man travel before he admits he is lost?
  126. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
  127. Money isn't everything, But it sure keeps the kids in touch.
  128. Saw it... Wanted it... Had a fit... Got it!
  129. My Soccer Mom can beat up your Hockey Mom.
  130. All men are animals, some just make better pets.
  131. normal people scare me
  132. You Say Psycho Like Its A Bad Thing
  133. The More You Disapprove The More Fun It Is For Me
  134. Once a Freak, Always A Freak
  135. Don't interupt me while I'm talking to myself
  136. Sorry, was I screaming again?
  137. Looking forward to regretting it.
  138. i have imaginary friends
  139. doesn't play well with others
  140. I'm one of the bad things that happens to good people
  141. Just be glad I'm not your kid
  142. Your kid may be an honor student, but you're STILL an IDIOT!
  143. I DID A BAD THING
  144. can't sleep clowns will eat me...
    can't sleep clowns will eat me...
    can't sleep clowns will eat me...
    can't sleep clowns will eat me...
    can't sleep clowns will eat me...
    can't sleep clowns will eat me...
    can't sleep clowns...
    can't sleep...
    can't...
  145. I'm lactose intolerant. Pass the milk.
  146. People never say, "It's only a game," when they're winning.
  147. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  148. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  149. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  150. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

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